‘’Start your own company,’’ you hear someone say. ‘’Create a passive income.’’
You know how it goes. You have a terrible boss who’s basically making you jump through hoops. And you need to jump through as many hoops as you’re told — otherwise, you won’t get paid and you’ll starve. Now, I’m sure you know some people at work who’d love to have a magic wand to make others literally jump through hoops. Kind of like this. I can picture you, dear reader, nodding vigorously, maybe even smiling.
I shiver at the thought of what many managers and employees would do if they had magical powers.
All that pent-up anger . . .
But anger doesn’t help you achieve your goals. So, my dear reader — do you play the game? Do you want to get paid? Or do you choose your misguided sense of dignity and refuse to kiss anyone’s rear end?
Ah! I see you stand up and proudly proclaim to the world: ‘’No! I’ll NEVER accept it! No rear-kissing here! I have my dignity! I’ll just quit that job! Who do you think I am!’’
Oh wow. Really?
That’s nice, except then you look at a pile of overdue bills in front of you. Still feeling all cavalier? Let’s be clear: this world doesn’t suffer idealists gladly. You know it and I know it. You can talk about dignity and ‘’having standards’’ all you want but the bills are just going to keep piling up until — one day — the electricity is cut off and you are left to contemplate your life in darkness, slowly saying ‘’HELLO’’ to your demise. So much for pride and philosophizing in 2020 . . . or any other year, for that matter.
And so on, and so forth. There are many people who have bought into the whole ‘’I can do anything I want if I just visualize it’’ life coach mindset. Funny how people who come up with these slogans, mantras and buzzwords always get their money and leave the oh-imagine-and-visualize part to others. Sure, it’s great to have dreams but they need to be anchored in reality. Snapping your fingers to get what you want rarely, if ever, works. Take the first step? Sure! But what if you’re starving and need money now? You need real help ASAP, not empty slogans giving an illusion of help. Heck, do you think it’s accidental that cult leaders look for wealthy, influential individuals, not some poor souls? Of course not. Esoteric, impractical thinking is often used as a tool to manipulate others.
Idealism is often just a front for greed and power.
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/livemanny-pacquiao-v-yordenis-ugas-live-on-fight-2021-tickets-167948393165
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/streamsmanny-pacquiao-v-yordenis-ugas-live-on-fight-2021-tickets-167948589753
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/livepacquiao-v-ugas-live-on-fight-2021-tickets-167950567669
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/streamspacquiao-v-ugas-live-on-fight-2021-tickets-167950613807
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/livemanny-pacquiao-v-yordenis-ugas-fight-live-on-2021-tickets-167955215571
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/boxingmanny-pacquiao-v-yordenis-ugas-fight-live-on-2021-tickets-167955251679
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/live1-manny-pacquiao-v-yordenis-ugas-fight-live-on-2021-tickets-167955299823
There’s no better example here than finding a literary agent and/or a publisher. I’m sure you know how hard it is to land a book deal. You’ve probably read many ‘’your writing is interesting but it’s not something we can use at this time’’ emails. In other words: polite brush-offs. Chances are, they’re just trying to be polite. They’ve probably deleted your manuscript after reading the first two sentences. I think it’s better to be told your novel sucks, so you’ll strive to improve your writing, rather than throwing tantrums like a princess without a tiara. There’s another possibility, though: an envy-possessed person knows you’re a way, way better writer than he or she will ever be. . . and so he or she wants to undermine you by ‘’offering friendly advice’’ which is mostly biting, caustic, vitriol disguised as ‘’well-meaning’’ advice. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about here. Envy can consume anyone- an acquaintance, a friend, a family member. There’s also another option: the envious one sees you have the POTENTIAL to be a great writer but you need to hone your skills first. By giving you false compliments, the envy-possessed person wants to lull you into apathy. That way, you’ll never be a threat to them.
Envy is everywhere. The same logic applies to all areas of life. Not just writing.
Now, what about ‘’hope’’? Supposedly, it’s the most negative word in the metaphysical dictionary. Always in the future, always intangible. Somewhere out there. Hope, hope, hope . . . and you start to feel like a French intellectual who’s constantly battling ennui.
Tricky, oui? Discernment is key.
How far would you go to get that book deal, then? If you had to trade your dignity for being a bestselling author, would you accept this Faustian bargain? Would you make the deal with the businessman supreme — the Devil himself? Oh, I know, you’re shaking your head right now, asserting:
‘’THAT’S A RED LINE I’D NEVER, EVER CROSS!’’
Really? Well, maybe. If you say so. Only you know that. Just be careful: too many people want to sell you hope these days. They will praise your work just to get your money. They’ll call you a genius, a creator of a new literary trend if it gets them $$. Do you think they care about your writing? Of course not. But they know how to make it seem like they do.
‘’Oh, my father was Polish,’’ a woman who wanted my $$ to publish my book told me once. She obviously knew I’m Polish. Great. I’m sure he also ate kiełbasa (Polish sausage) and pierogi. This is the oldest trick in the book: create a sense of familiarity. Wrong number, sorry! Not buying what you’re selling, lady.
‘’You can’t look for tricks and mind games everywhere,’’ I hear you say. ‘’Honesty is so important!’’
You’re right. I can’t. It’d be absurd. But I think you’ll agree being always honest isn’t the best idea. There are people who will use what you tell them against you when you least expect it. People who tell you how honest they are just so they can get you to open up. Do you think they’ll do the same? Nah. Sure, they’ll make you think they’re oh-so-honest, goody-two-shoes, holier-than-thou, people. What a joke. They’re only honest when it suits them. Make no mistake about it. The reason they’re using guilt trip games is simple: their mind games aren’t working on you. . . and they sure as heck aren’t happy about it! Guilt-tripping you is their last strategy. When someone you know in real life is always, and I mean ALWAYS nice to you. . . call me cynical but there’s something going on you don’t know about there. So remember: some people will use your weaknesses against you with a smile on their face — especially at work if it means getting that promotion faster by undermining your professional competence. You’ll then have to congratulate them on their promotion. . .which should’ve been yours! You’ll be congratulating your ‘’honest friends at work’’ through gritted teeth. Oh, they’ll be laughing in your face, your ‘’honest friends at work,’’ I assure you! Well, okay. Some will snicker behind your back. So what’s the best strategy? There isn’t one. It all depends on your unique circumstances. Psychopaths are dangerous and deplorable human beings but — it seems — they have useful work survival strategies. Psychopaths are careful observers and they quickly learn what the interpersonal dynamics at work are. Psychopaths rarely reveal anything substantial about themselves; rather, they let others talk. Psychopaths are friendly, calculating, sometimes sycophantic. Well, they’re not friendly at all but that’s the mask they often wear. They don’t reveal their intentions until everything is in place. Call it two-faced; I call it pragmatic. If you come across a person who calls you a sociopath because you weigh your options and aren’t always honest, then imagine a huge mirror staring back at them.
They are projecting. Maybe not even consciously.
So yeah. Always honest? Nope. Not the best strategy in life. In any setting.
Anyway, where were we? Oh! Right.
Unless you’re independently wealthy, or have magical, god-like powers to attract money luck and magically curse some nations you dislike into a bunch of French Girl Scouts who clean monuments and statues in Paris — that would be one heck of a profit-generating tourist attraction right there-you’re probably faced with the dignity dilemma every day.
Even when you’re ‘’your own boss,’’ you need to meander between various situations and personality types. Sounds obvious, I know, but you’d be surprised how many people are painfully unaware of such things. You need to have a malleable mind. Black-and-white thinking is a recipe for disaster. Many, if not most, people seem to vacillate between two mindsets: ‘’I’m always great’’ versus ‘’I always suck.’’ And the truth is usually somewhere in the middle. Sometimes, you need to kiss derrieres. Sometimes, you need to be unrelenting and merciless. Sometimes, you’re the one whose backside is being kissed. That’s just life. An infinite tapestry.
And yeah, it’s good to be on your high horse sometimes, sure. Your tes grands chevaux. Just don’t sit on your high horse all the time because life has ways of knocking you off that pompous horse if you get too arrogant. And no amount of toxic positivity (everything is always fine and if you think otherwise then you’re negative — no, things aren’t always fine, you don’t need to smile 24/7, it’s totally fake and cartoonish) or magical ‘’I visualize what I want and I get it five minutes later’’, ego-stroking, workshops will change that. Surprised? Hopefully not!
What’s YOUR strategy in this delicate dance of manager-employee relations? Am I wrong? What’s your strategy to escape this madness — if there even is one? Feel free to let me know your perspective!
I think it’s crucial to have friends you can rely on. With the right connections and expertise. Lawyers, doctors, mechanics. You get the idea. Yes, it’s cynical, Machiavellian even, but life isn’t a horse show. Philosopher friends are great . . . for Sunday afternoon chats over tea when all the important stuff is done.
‘’Life is suffering,’’ I once heard someone say. ‘’So just accept all the pain and humiliation because it makes you grow as a person.’’ I don’t subscribe to this view. AT ALL. It seems like a thought-terminating cliche to me. Kind of like ‘’well, it isn’t ladylike’’ to shut down debate and justify not taking another person seriously.
